School teacher Mathilda Pugh today told a packed Tory Party Conference that almost all of her teaching colleagues are Left-wing agitators. Taking an unauthorised leave of absence to attend, she spoke passionately about the Red menace lurking in our schools.
Addressing a rapt audience she said: ‘Conference, all they go on about are staff cuts, class sizes, lack of equipment, kids coming to school hungry and poorly clothed. At break time I try to be friendly, tell them about the weekend gymkhana I attended or how Daddy’s offshore companies are getting on, the Footsie 100 and things of importance and value in our society.’
As applause rang around the hall she continued: ‘I remember when I first started teaching, my mentor, a lifelong Tory activist told me, forget about class sizes and no equipment. Concentrate on 3 or 4 of the brightest pupils and forget the rest. These working class kids have natural cunning, they will survive, and many will become drug dealers, burglars and the rest factory fodder or lifelong unemployed where they can be controlled. Educating them and having them well fed and healthy is a recipe for disaster and a threat to the natural order.’
As she fought back the tears to finish her speech Mathilda told delegates she could no longer bear the life-sapping misery of being surrounded by Corbyn’s acolytes every day, that she had now applied for a position at one of the Government’s newly formed academies and she was hopeful of being offered the job as ‘Mummy knows several of the Governors’.