Said to be a celebration of a world beyond EU and the inevitable ‘rise of the rat’, the 2022 Brexit Festival will have something for everyone – except financial security. The Prime Minister herself will be headlining the event, playing an upbeat medley of Alice Deeya’s ‘Better Off Alone’ and REM’s ‘End of the World’.
Organisers of the festival have promised a spectacular display of recent Conservative achievements; including the Spinning Jenny, the tuning fork and whooping cough. This will then culminate in the burning of a symbolic representation of the UK’s entire wealth – although ironically, in order to achieve this effect, the UK will be burning actual real money.
One installation artist has cleverly changed the scale of the UK economy to fit inside a matchbox, making it twice its normal size. Mirroring the Great Exhibition of 1851, a huge glass palace will be constructed and wherein UK citizens will be able to throw glass stones to their heart’s content.
On the Thames itself, a paddle-less canoe, crewed by hipsters, is to be fatally sailed into a polystyrene iceberg. Although most hipsters voted Remain, it was just seen as a good way to get rid of them.