Police to recruit convicted villians in bid to boost diversity

Police

Chief Constables throughout England Wales are to launch a recruitment drive in the nation’s prisons in a bid to boost the diversity of their forces following a relaxation of Home Office guidelines. The move comes after a successful pilot project by Lincolnshire Constabulary which saw the removal of a bar to recruiting individuals with visible tattoos so that their officers more closely resembled the population of the county as a whole

A Home Office spokesman said: ‘When we considered what a large proportion of the nation is now banged up it did seem rather odd that so few members of the criminal fraternity were represented in the police. Of course there are some people we don’t need – for example Dangerous Drivers, Paedos and GBH merchants since have some of those already and taking on more wouldn’t increase diversity.’

‘My own personal preference would be for a few fine art thieves and embezzlers – something to raise the tone! Others favour multi tasking criminals – like bodging builders who handle stolen goods as well. However, it’s a competitive process and we’ll just have to see what turns up.’

In answer to questions about the possibility of inmates exaggerating their criminality in order to get a job and out of prison the spokesman insisted that sufficient safeguards were in place.

‘I’m not going to give away operational details but when we carried out a similar project with social minorities some years ago we soon identified the fraudsters. One gentleman thought he had been very clever getting a job as a chief inspector but our surveillance team was able to provide video evidence that he in fact had both of his legs and the kind of company he kept suggested that he was far from being a lesbian – not much gets past us – oh no!’.

Meanwhile a spokesperson for the Lincolnshire force expressed pride that they had been able to blaze a trail which was now being taken up nationwide.

‘The idea is to enable members of the public we wouldn’t normally interact with feel easy in the company of our officers” she said. ‘However, officers still have to project a professional image and only those with the most tasteful tattoos will be accepted. That’s why we recommend you use Dave’s on the Broadway like I do. Would you like to see what he drew on my arse?’

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2018 by

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