A crack team of mathematicians at CERN has uncovered the long sought-after Universal Theory of Hotel Lighting.
“It’s a mathematician’s dream”, said Dr Ernst Jackson of the CERN Rapid Response Mathematics Squad. “Solving the lights in an individual room is trivial. Even humanities graduates can usually solve it after a few attempts. What we’ve found is a universal law which can be applied to any combination of lights in a hotel bedroom”.
The breakthrough came after one room in the Geneva Hilton was accidentally fitted with lights from the Holiday Inn next door. “It was our Rosetta Stone”, said Dr Jackson. “The universe revealed one of its strangest secrets that day. Ah, the universe”.
After a brief silence in which Dr Jackson shook his head and chuckled quietly to himself, he explained the significance of the discovery.
“Well, in layman’s terms, people can now find their way to bed without leaving any of the lights on. Well, people with a maths degree. Arts graduates should probably just stay at home. Seriously, stay at home. The universe is wasted on you”.
The team is now working on a proof of Partridge’s Law, which calculates the optimal plate size to take to the hotel buffet.