Optician reprimanded for performing ‘insufficiently weird’ eye examination

eye test

A Surrey optician has been rebuked and warned as to his future conduct after he performed an eye examination described as ‘Not in the least bit odd or creepy and thus failing to meet the rigorous standards expected of the profession.’

Abigail Winter, 36, reported the optician to his professional body after her eye test failed to live up to her expectations. ‘I went to my local optician in Guildford for a routine check-up,’ recalled Ms Winter. ‘The optician didn’t waste my time by bombarding me with a lot of subjective questions I didn’t have a hope of answering correctly or by asking me to tell him which of two extremely blurred objects was slightly less out of focus. He also didn’t invade my personal space whilst carrying out the examination or asphyxiate me with his halitosis whilst gazing rather too fixedly into my eyes. He just quickly, calmly and competently tested my vision, and concluded that all I needed were some pure optical contact lenses. I was shocked.’

The optician Mr Raymond Smith, 25, admitted his oversight in ‘forgetting to ask whether the red trapezium inscribed inside the green dodecahedron is more or less blurred than the green parallelogram inscribed inside the red ellipse, adding ‘I find I get much better results by simply asking my patients to read a few letters on an illuminated board.’

Pet Shop Boy glassesHowever, the British Association of Opticians responded angrily to Mr Smith’s lapse of professionalism. ‘People expect to be seated in a squeaky leather chair for at least half an hour with a pair of futuristic specs like that bloke in the Pet Shop Boys used to wear’ said a spokesman.

Only one aspect of Mr Smith’s performance scored highly in terms of weird creepiness. ‘The examination was almost over when he suddenly picked up what looked like a large staple gun and held it close to my eyeball,’ recalled Ms Winter. He warned me that it might tingle a bit and I thought he was completely psychotic. In fact the only thing that hit my eyes was a puff of air. When I flinched, Mr Smedley just laughed and told me I didn’t have glaucoma. I suppose even modern opticians have to get their kicks somehow.’


03 March 2009

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