Great British Menu slammed ‘pretentious’ by Fire Chief

great british menu

Fire Crews were called to the set of BBC’s most ludicrous food show to date, Great British Menu, when one dish caused a major emergency and very nearly burnt the studio to the ground.

Chef, Paul Champion, one of the finalists was recreating his heat-winning dish entitled Vesuvius Erupting in a Lake of Compassion in Gran’s Fading Mind, paying homage to the NHS and its workers, when things went badly wrong.

‘I had just sprinkled shavings of unicorn penis and testicles over the heritage irradiated wasp antennae powder,’ explains a shaken Paul, ‘then fired up the army surplus flamethrower to meld them together, before finishing the dish off in a bath of liquid hydrogen super-chilled tree bark jus.’

‘But unfortunately the thrower was set on full and a thirty-foot long flame immediately shot across the kitchen licking the back of Matthew Fort’s jacket which lit up like a Christmas tree. Luckily he managed to throw it off before he was badly burnt, but unfortunately it landed on top of a red-hot vat of sunflower oil simmering on top of my particle accelerator and the whole place went up!’

Chief Fire Officer, Reg Knaphill, who headed up the team that eventually brought the blaze under control was less than pleased when speaking to reporters. ‘What is the matter with these idiots? Can’t they just cook sausage, mash and baked beans like bloody normal people do instead of dicking about with this kind of stupid and pretentious highfalutin nonsense?’

‘I am sick of this sort of thing. It’s becoming far too frequent an occurrence and is endangering the lives of my officers. If you ask me Heston Blumenthal has a lot to answer for. Molecular Gastronomy? Molecular Gastronomy my arse!’

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2018 by

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