Judges’ pay to be decided by premium line phone vote


A public consultation is to take place regarding pay rises for senior judges in England and Wales to bring earnings in line with talent show judges. The move addresses low morale among judges stemming from dissatisfaction of pay and conditions in comparison with their celebrity cousins. If passed, a High Court judge would receive an extra £60,000 per year, be chauffeur-driven to work in a limo once a week and get filmed backstage in chambers sitting on the corner of their desk sipping coffee, nodding and pointing at mugshots of defendants with other judges.

Currently Judge Judy is the only member of the judiciary qualified to appear on her own show and has a take-home salary comparable to Jason Gardiner from Dancing On Ice. A High Court judge who wished remain anonymous, commented: ‘Jude’s a maverick, a one-off. Not all of us can have our courtroom dealings broadcast to the nation, but that doesn’t mean our work isn’t as valid or we don’t want to arrive an hour early to go through hair and make-up.’

Head of talent show judiciary, Simon Cowell was typically derisive, saying: ‘Aah look, darlings. You don’t work Saturdays, you have an audience of dozens, not thousands. You don’t hear pleas from the accused at your lavish villas. I’m not saying what you do isn’t valuable, just is it good enough for prime-time telly? I think not. So, I’m gonna say no.’

Strictly’s Shirley Ballas was equally defiant, saying:’ I’m livid. They have one outfit. I have to buy a new frock every week. Two out of ten, for cheek.’ However, balancing the scales was X-Factor veteran Louis Walsh. ‘Don’t listen to Simon!,’ he told the bewigged hopefuls. ‘He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You guys have got the talent and the whole Georgian wig thing going on. Golden buzzer from me all the way.’

Should High Court judges receive a salary comparable to talent show judges? YOU decide. Voting opens via the app from midnight. Calls cost 45p from landlines, of which 95% will go to Simon Cowell as usual. Terms and conditions apply but that would involve reading the small print, so don’t bother eh?

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Posted: Oct 14th, 2018 by

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