A leaked memo has revealed Registrars have been instructed to disallow parents naming their children ‘poncey’ names after 2020. Out will go Oscar, Max and St John for boys, while for girls, Octavia, Camilla and Allegra will no longer be acceptable. Instead, the memo suggests parents should be ‘gently encouraged’ to choose more down-to-earth alternatives like Darren, Wayne, Shanice or Febreze.
Singled out for particular attention are celebrities, who will be no longer able to call children names like Ocean, India, Moon Unit or Storm. Any who try to will face charges of child cruelty. Government spokesman, Giles Goodray Wilmington-Chivers told reporters: ‘These fancy names are becoming ever more divisive, causing unrest and petty jealousies in many quarters. Already Jacob Rees-Mogg has agreed to support the initiative and changed his name by deed poll to Gary Spanner.’