Fifth Avenue is set to become the scene for the greatest knuckle-dragging spectacle in movie history. With Donald Trump now unshackled from his Republican captors Hollywood chiefs are in talks with the presidential candidate or ‘The Great Kong’ as he now prefers to be called.
‘It’s true, my fellow deplorables,’ said Trump at a rally in Iowa last night, ‘that I am about to star in a block buster movie about the greatest ape of all time. It’s true, you know I wouldn’t lie to you, I’m going to take a leap from greenback to silver-back. So whether I become president or not I’ll still be sitting on top of the world.’
‘It’s going to be a spectacular sight,’ said Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence, ‘with the chains off there’ll be no stopping the awesome might of The Great Kong as he breaks free from the campaign platform and starts trampling his remaining supporters to death. But he still gets my ticket.’
Trump Tower is to replace the Empire State Building for the final scene where, after groping a party of visiting Japanese school-girls on the ground floor, The Great Kong will seize Miss Universe by the pussy and haul her right the way up to the top of the Fox TV mast.
In the dramatic scene that follows, The Great Kong will be seen batting off North Korean missiles, a couple of high-school shooters, flying sombreros and an off-course Ryanair jet.
‘There’s a beautiful twist at the end, ‘said Trump in a statement to the Hollywood Reporter, ‘Unlike the original Kong, I don’t get all shot-up and fall to the ground. No, I climb back down, grab a couple of receptionists by the ass, then make my way to Washington and force all the other monkeys out of the Senate.
The only thing that’s bugging me is the director.
Who is this Clinton Tarantino?’