50 foot wicker man listed on Etsy


Alongside knitted symbols of paganism and wrought iron sex toys, one careful artisan, Lord Summerisle, has listed a huge man-shaped sculpture of woven twigs, with minor scorch marks around the base on Etsy. For those who like their live sacrifices with a touch of hipster chic, this says Celtic fertility rites, but with a touch of home-brew. It has room for several unwanted children and is suitable for harvest festivals or stag dos.

The listing reads: ‘A once in a lifetime fire-sale. Don’t leave your apple crops to chance. Our Wicker Man will provide you with financial security, now that your EU subsidy is coming to an end. Would suit a virgin, Scottish detective or ardent Brexiteer’. Lord Summerisle is also offering a line of cosplay outfits, an edible phallus and one burnt policeman’s hat. A spokeswoman for Etsy admitted: ‘It’s an unusual listing. You can’t fault the craftsmanship, but if you want to sacrifice virgins surely a holiday to Magaluf is cheaper?’

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2018 by

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