The launch, which some were disappointed to discover was in Catford’s Albert Hall, was attended by thousands of wannabe scamsters, many attracted by the offers of free cars, holidays and sex that were mentioned in their original invitations.
“We have a saying in the business. Four words should follow a lie – Terms and conditions apply,” said publisher Jason Harper, “as T&C marketing takes off, this sector is well overdue a trade publication that caters for the stakeholders in misleading marketing.”
Issue One has a picture of the chairman of Galliard Homes, an investigation into the seedy world of the Advertising Standards Agency and a celebrity interview with Dave Breathless, star of radio adverts. Breathless tells how he nearly fainted after reading out a two minute ‘conditions apply’ segment for a Virgin Media advert, without a single pause. “When I came to, I was wearing an oxygen mask, and the marketing manager of Virgin Media was trying to make me sign a waiver,” he said.
T&C Magazine (incorporating Conditions Apply) has a circulation of a million ABC1s with disposable income of over £100,000, cash in the bank of on average Half a million pounds and proven levels of gullibility, said Harper. “At least, that’s what we’re telling the advertisers.”
“I guarantee any advertiser will quadruple their business turnover, or I promise I will personally give you ten times your money back,” said Harper, before adding furtively “legibus et condicionibus esto applicare.”