The Department for Work and Pensions have blamed a ceramic boy with callipers and a haircut like Jimmy Carr for the fact that tens of thousands of people have been without vital funds. Allegedly, the retro-charity box had been stuffed full of forgotten paperwork, such as disability claims, Windrush apologies and a workable solution for Brexit.
The child shaped box was left unattended outside a tobacconist in Battersea, which many passers-by had simply assumed was a memorial to Janette Krankie. Only after a DWP inspector had designated the inanimate figure as fit to work did anyone ask ‘Why is a mini Roger Federer standing on one leg?’
A DWP spokeswoman explained: ‘OK, 180,000 people are owed payment arrears, but just as many aren’t. So I think we can all agree, this has been an overwhelming success. And to anyone who has committed suicide, while waiting for benefits, I say this – better luck next time.’