The Saudi Arabian government have made the claim that the missing journalist, Jamel Khashoggi, was killed during a violent melee in the Saudi consulate building in Turkey after the furious newsman launched a number of kung fu stars at terrified staff, one of which, rebounded off a lampshade and struck him a fatal blow on the temple.
A spokesman for the Saudi consulate said last night: ‘Mr Khashoggi was definitely looking for trouble that night. He looked dishevelled and had clearly been drinking heavily. Without warning, he started acting like a crazy man and began hurling kung fu stars at staff members.’
‘Unfortunately for him, he was killed instantly by one of his own weapons which bounced back off of a light shade or a wall or something. The details are a bit sketchy, to be honest’.
When asked as to what became of the body, the spokesman told newsmen that it was quickly dismembered by security staff with bone saws, placed in a bin bag and thrown into a dumpster in the street outside: ‘We wanted to spare his family the distress of seeing him with a kung fu star embedded in his skull,’ he said.
United States President, Donald Trump, was quick to condemn the Saudis last night: ‘It’s a bad bad business, but who’s to say the guy didn’t ask for it? The important thing is that we didn’t lose any money over this’.