Sir Nick Clegg, former leader of… Oh, what was it? You know, some kind of coalition thingy. Sounds like Lib Donut. Or was it Democratic Rainbow Alliance? No. Oh god. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It was something like that. Look, it’s not that important, ok? Can we move on?
Sir Nick Clegg, the former deputy leader of a public schoolboy coalition thingy, has beaten Margaret Thatcher and Sir Harold Shipman to become the face of the new £50 note. It is understood he will be depicted emerging from a box wearing a rubber gimp mask.
Corporal Clegg said: ‘When poor people look at their £50 notes they will be reminded of the man who had to make a lot of tough and difficult decisions. I’m a bit like Jesus really, when you think about it. I’ve even been crucified. But I forgive you all.’