A unique non disclosure agreement is preventing the media from naming a high profile public figure who is a said to put a cloak over a puddle for a lady, while taking a shifty look down her top.
A lawyer explained: ‘My client, who is not Sir Philip Green, has never touched anybody’s bum, told a dirty joke, wolf whistled or looked at the legs of anyone of either sex. It’s true that he did park on a disabled space at a supermarket once but as soon as he realised his mistake he moved his car and even sought out the manager to apologise but I really can’t think of anything else he has done that would qualify as even moderately naughty’.
Meanwhile a former Top Shop employee broke cover: ‘Everyone knew what was going on. At first it just seemed a little unusual for the top guy to come here kitted out in a gimp suit each Tuesday and order me into a broom cupboard for disciplinary training. But I accepted it as a normal part of the job after a few weeks’.
Sadly Sir Philip Green was unavailable for comment and thanks to the NDA, so are the majority of the press.
(hattip to Landfill)