The makers of the iconic James Bond movies have announced that they will be at least two hours longer in duration due to anticipated delays at passport control whenever the crack secret agent is assigned a mission at an exotic European locale.
A spokesman for Universal Pictures told newsmen: ‘Due to Britain’s forthcoming self-imposed isolation from the European Union, we now estimate that the movies will be a lot longer than was previously the case.’
‘We’ve had to factor in Bond being held up at customs by surly and resentful immigration staff, who, no doubt, will really take their time processing his documents.’
‘There’s also a pretty good chance that more time will be wasted when they take him behind a curtain and shove their fingers up his arse.’
Brexit Secretary, Dominic Raab, hit back at the notion last night: ‘Yes the films may be a bit longer, but at least we’ll have blue passports again. Even if they are being made in France. Universal need to believe a bit more and stop talking the country down. Especially as it’s not their country.’
The next Bond blockbuster, Dr Non, is due out in January and features EU Chief Negotiator, Michel Barnier, as the crazed assassin, Oddjob.