Britain’s one and a half million unemployed people have confirmed that, like David Cameron, they’re “bored shitless” and would quite like to return to work as soon as possible.
“I thought about calling up an old schoolfriend and getting him to parachute me into a cabinet level job,” said Mr D Bagshot of Bexleyheath today. “But then I remembered I went to a crappy comprehensive and don’t know anyone like that. Our most famous ‘old boy’ was the bass guitarist for Yazz, if anyone remembers her…”
A number of food bank users added that they were quite hungry, and some homeless people said they’d prefer to sleep indoors if that was OK, as the nights are quite cold at this time of year.