Brexit secretary Dominic Raab has announced in a letter to MPs that he has been ordered by the Chief Whip to have Brexit finished by the 21st of November to allow rehearsal time for the Tory Party Christmas nativity play.
Aide to the Chief Whip, Martin Birch explains, ‘The Brexit chit-chat crap is ending in mid-November. We’re putting on a humdinger of a nativity for parliament, European leaders and global commercial partners in December to show Britain means business.’
Even though this will be Britain in full pomp. It hasn’t been without its hiccups. Birch continues. ‘Jacob and Boris were supposed to be the nationalist donkey carrying the Virgin May, but they’ve been put out to pasture, so the PM wants to be the ass herself and dance into Bethlehem.’
‘Then the Virgin May with Phillip of Arithmetic from number 11 by her side will deliver the Baby Brexit, conceived by Immaculate Majority, in a stable and strong condition. As well as bringing gifts of gold reserves and Frankfurtdebt from Merkel, the wise men from the east will be contracted to shower the Baby Brexit with investment in infrastructure, cheap labour and fossil fuels.’
‘The PM sees this performance as her legacy to a new Britain and she recently met the 1922 committee to reassure them that they all had small parts. However, there is no truth in the rumour we are planning to do an Easter play with the Baby Brexit suffering a slow death after playing on its own and struggling to perform economic miracles.’
The event will be broadcast live on BBC Parliament and CBeebies.