Racked with remorse about bedding a series of partners as a result of pretending to be younger than he is, a man from the Netherlands has launched a lawsuit to legally reduce his age by 20 years.
‘I’m not comfortable with being dishonest about how old I am during my conquests,’ explained Dutch positivity trainer Emile Ratelband, ‘so being able to legally claim I’m of eminently shaggable age during the chatting-up process will be a great comfort to me.’
Mr Ratelband admits he started his long history of deceit many years ago, although in the early days, he pretended to be older than he was. ‘In those days, I was looking for older girls that would accept my lying in one direction and be prepared to lie in the other,’ he said without any hint of a double-entendre.
Latterly though, Mr Ratelband’s little white lies have turned into massive whoppers, stretching his credibility to breaking point and his conscience to the limit. ‘I had to do something to relieve my terrible sense of guilt,’ he said.
Mr Ratelband explained that the legal battle will not cover any other lies used during seduction techniques, as he feels no shame whatsoever in telling women that he’s a pilot and he loves them. A spokesman for the Netherlands said that ‘if he’s 49, then I’m a Dutchman’.