MPs from across the political divide have insisted that the Prime Minister reveal to them, and the general public, what she really wants for Christmas.
All political persuasions, whether DUP, Remain or Leave campaigners, or even Peoples’ Vote demanders, are now insisting that the only way to break the Brexit impasse is to find out, once and for all, if May wants either the Poopsie Unicorn Slime Machine or Boxie the Robot Buddy.
Experts have said that unless everyone knows what May wants for Christmas by the end of November at the latest, then there is absolutely no chance of getting these toys in time on Amazon Prime and she’ll have to settle for Buckaroo and a tangerine.
Labour has said that May’s letter must pass its six tests before they can agree to whatever May is asking from Santa – these are:
1. Has the Prime Minister made her own bed to lie in.
2. Been paying attention at European Summits.
3. Being nice to the lanky kid in the cabinet no-one talks too (Chris Grayling).
4. Been reading the immigration figures every night at bedtime.
5. Not been too greedy and only asked for three things on her list and definitely not the freedom of services
6. Stopped running through fields and harassing land-owners.
A spokesperson in Downing Street has refused to confirm that the PM has already written her letter to Santa and doesn’t want to show it to anybody ‘in case it doesn’t come true and spoils the magic’. The spokesperson did say though that, if the PM has written a letter, then Olly Robbins would most likely help her with the big words and keeping her handwriting straight.
In a last minute news-break, the Head of the 1922 Committee said that he could not comment on whether he has received more than 48 letters to Santa but that, as per custom, female office staff would continue to sit on male MPs knees to make sure all their Christmas wishes came true.