After hosting a cabinet meeting lasting five hours the Prime Minister tottered out of number ten with a wellington boot on one foot, a glass slipper on the other and a shovel with multiple dents resting casually over one shoulder.
Panting, sweating and muttering profanities, Theresa leant on her shovel, launched a dockyard oyster, held up a sheet of paper with signatures in dripping red ink and proclaimed to waiting journalists, “Brexit, means Brexit”
Asked why she was late, the PM responded: “Michael and I had a patio malfunction at number ten.”
Theresa then proceeded to speak about Brexit in terms of, ‘digging in’ and ‘getting hands dirty’ in the process of carrying out “the best interests of what the public think they want.”
The patio at number ten has a history of uneven flagging and putrid drainage problems. Margaret Thatcher often remedied patio issues on a week-to-week basis, particularly around the time of the miners’ strike. It also being rumoured to be the only place Tony Blair could ‘get a good night’s sleep.’
The PM also announced an immediate cabinet reshuffle, with ten ministerial jobs up for grabs, inviting colleagues to the Commons, “come and have a go if you think you’re hard Brexit enough!”
Many ministers were unavailable for comment