Cavemen found Bronze Age ‘hard to adjust to’

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Archeologists in Wiltshire have discovered a hoard of early documents showing that many cavemen found the transition to the Bronze Age “hard to adjust to”, not understanding the rules for interacting with cavewomen any more.

“It used to be so simple,” said Ugg. ‘You just chose a cavewoman, knocked her out with a club and dragged her by the hair back to your cave. Now there’s all this fuss about something called ‘consent’. How was she supposed to consent anyway? She didn’t even come round until the next day.”

“Honestly, it’s made me think twice about dating in future. It’s just not safe for cavemen these days.” He specifically cited the case of Ogg, the once-celebrated teller of stories around the campfire who now doesn’t get hired any more because of an allegation against him “which was never even proven, given that we don’t have a justice system of any kind.”

However, a coalition of cavewomen have decried what they called “these Stone Age attitudes”, saying it all stems from the way cavewomen are portrayed in the media.

“Go into the average male-dominated cave environment, and you’ll still see cave paintings depicting cavewomen in overtly sexualised ways. They claim it’s just for keeping track of the seasons, but surely we can have something that tells us when the summer solstice is without dirty pictures?”

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2018 by

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