Tributes have been paid to Nigel, a stage II tumour in the bowels of Derek Pennington from Bromsgrove, after it finally won its brave five-year battle with him. Pennington, a 56-year-old chartered surveyor, died at the Royal Worcestershire Hospital in the early hours of the morning.
‘I’m so proud of Nigel I could spread into the liver,’ sobbed Elaine, a squamous cell carcinocoma that is currently eating the skin of Doris Hapgood from Sandown, Isle of Wight. ‘He was detected quite early when his odds of survival weren’t good, yet he never complained, he never lost his impish sense of humour and he carried on battling to the very end.’
In the past 20 years, treatments for bowel cancer have developed so fast that the vast majority of tumours do not survive more than a year and most are killed tragically before they have a chance to develop a death of their own. Nigel’s achievement is all the more remarkable in that his host was relatively young at the time of diagnosis, did not smoke and had always eaten a healthy diet.
‘Technology can be so cruel sometimes,’ said Elaine. ‘Screening, radiotherapy, an endoscopy that murdered all of his fellow polyps, then a gruelling twelve-week course of chemotherapy – you name it, the NHS threw it at Nigel. The odds against him achieving what he set out to do were more than 100 to one, but he managed it. Although we won’t see him again, we can take comfort in knowing that he was removed and put in a Petri dish for research, so he will live on that way.’
Derek Pennington will be cremated at Redditch Civic Crematorium tomorrow. By all accounts he was a right tedious twat, who won’t be missed very much.