Foreign Office advises travellers to dangerous areas to have a pretty wife


New Foreign Office advice has been issued to Brits considering travelling to dangerous or unstable parts of the world: ‘Always check the FO website for the latest news before you travel, respect local customs, don’t take unnecessary risks, and above all have a pretty wife. This will guarantee a lot of media coverage in the event of anything going wrong. To say nothing of ministers beating a path to her door to console her and ask if she needs anything, perhaps even bringing some flowers to cheer her up.’

The document goes on to say that Terry Waite might have been home a lot sooner if he hadn’t been single, and that John McCarthy’s girlfriend was ‘a six at best’. A coalition of feminists has denounced the advice as treating women as if their only value lies in the way they look. However, the document author, found propping up the bar in a Westminster pub, said that ‘the towelheads’ are welcome to throw a few British feminists in jail if they felt like it. ‘They’re probably all lezzers anyway, so let’s hope their so-called wives are pretty enough to get the media interested.’

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Posted: Nov 26th, 2018 by

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