The Sealed Knot are about to embark on their most ambitious project to date, to portray themselves in the latest chapter of the war: The Battle of Brexit. Traditionally the Sealed Knot re-enacts battles fought during the English Civil War between 1642-1651, but as anyone who went to a football match in the 1970s, or put jam before cream on a scone in Devon will know, the issues of the Civil War are still very much alive.
‘This time the battle is contemporary,’ said Sealed Knot general secretary Steve Chisholm explain. ‘This will be a mammoth undertaking. In our first re-enactment of the Battle of Brexit, we will be playing ourselves campaigning and voting at the Great EU referendum of 2016. A local primary school has kindly allowed us the use of their hall for the weekend to use as a voting station and a skilled ironmonger has lovingly crafted an authentic-looking ballot box.’
Originally, Knot members decided that they should portray each other voting at the referendum, but enthusiastic efforts at authenticity went a little over the top and the meeting descended into an exchange of sarcastic comments on Facebook. They have therefore decided to re-enact this part of the battle at a future date and focus on some of the future engagements of the Brexit War. A request to the Army for the loan of some pikes and muskets was turned down, as the military brass in Whitehall said that these were all being kept on standby in case Argentina invades the Falklands again.
‘I’ve portrayed many historical characters before, from a serving wench to an oddly misplaced Napoleon, but never myself in full costumed glory,’ said Chisholm. ‘I’ll be a middle-ranking Remainhead office manager. It’s a role I may find challenging, as I’ll be pitted in dinner party banter battle against some of my Leavalier best friends. It’s going to be a wild ride, including the final re-enactment when we don ministerial garbs and waggle sheets of paper around in ‘The Transition Period (Implementation Phase) And Indefinite Extension Thereof, To Be Determined During Negotiations Over Trade, Starting At The Beginning Of Said Transition Period (Implementation Phase) Battle’ to end all battles. Until the next one.’