EU admits self-esteem was so low it paid Farage to end its life


The European Union has opened up in a new interview, admitting that earlier this year, it was so upset that it paid Brexit campaigner Nigel Farage to help end its life.

The EU (43) was so upset by constant arguments and abuse that it decided to give Nigel Farage and UKIP almost £500k to put it out of its misery. Farage was considered the ‘obvious choice’ as his failed bids to be elected an MP made him an expert in long drawn-out political deaths. Farage, however, only managed to severely damage one of the EU’s main organs and his botched attempt at killing the world’s largest trading area have now come to light in an explosive new interview.

The EU said: ‘I considered just booking into the Dignitas clinic myself but with the Swiss not being full members of the EU, I was worried about the legal implications of being done-in by a non-EU country. Getting fucked over by Farage seemed the easiest way to end it all.’

While Nigel Farage has caused many individuals to question whether life is worth living, this is the first time Farage is believed to have been paid to do the dirty work.  The EU was considering suicide from the time the referendum on UK membership was announced. ‘I didn’t feel loved anymore. Even the Remain campaigners said things like ‘I’m not the biggest fan of the EU but we need to stay together’ which sounded to me like they just wanted to stay together for the kids – or Belgium and Luxembourg to give them their full names. There’s no self-worth for me in that.

‘At first I thought that I could just end all this myself but there are so many obstacles to terminating your existence like not taking the right number of pills, someone being discovering you dead in your home or the Treaty of Rome. In the end I knew I needed someone to help me achieve what I truly wanted. I wanted it all to stop and Farage was nasty enough to make it happen. I knew if I got the price right he’d help’.

The High Court is now considering whether it was lawful for an organisation to be paid to end the life of the EU. ‘Assisting a suicide is still illegal in the UK and whilst the EU wasn’t feeling good about itself this year, it seems incredibly troubling that it should pay such a huge sum to a twat like Farage in order to end its life’.

The EU is now recovering before the official removal of its British organ just as soon as NHS waiting lists allow.


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Posted: Nov 29th, 2018 by

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