Guild of Negotiators welcomes Brexit deal for improving their job security

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The International Guild of Diplomats and Negotiators says it welcomes Theresa May’s Brexit deal as offering ‘job security for our members for years to come’. The statement offers what will doubtless be welcome support for the beleaguered Prime Minister.

‘This deal is a masterly example of how to present a few sticking-plaster solutions as an historic agreement, while quietly leaving all the tricky issues to continue to be negotiated over for years to come” said Guild spokesperson Lisa Fitzwilliam. ‘It replaces the worthy but potentially time-limiting principle that ‘Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed’, with the even better principle that ‘Nothing is agreed, ever, but let’s keep talking at £500/day plus expenses’. We feel this sets an important precedent for international diplomacy across the world.’

Other trade groups and businesses that have come out in favour of the deal include the Brussels Conference Hotel Association, Eurostar, London City Airport and an unofficial body representing male and female escorts in and around London. The Worshipful Company of Biscuit and Danish Pastry Makers also made a rather indistinct statement in favour of something, possibly the Brexit agreement or possibly ‘more of these yummy almond croissants for the afternoon session’.

Following the Guild’s statement, a hastily-convened meeting of the MPs Who Are Also Lawyers all-party parliamentary group decided that, despite many of their members having previously made statements along the lines of ‘This deal is worse than spending the last hours before an imminent nuclear holocaust having sex with Piers Morgan and watching reruns of Last of the Summer Wine on continuous loop’. However, on reviewing the evidence again, they now thought that it was an excellent agreement, and it had their wholehearted support. The agreement is now expected to pass through the Commons with an overwhelming majority.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2018 by

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