Sales Manager, Nick Ferguson, who inexplicably forces fellow toilet users to stand as close to him as possible while they urinate, also enjoys forcing people to drive round him as he hogs the road at less than 50 mph with no traffic ahead.
‘I choose the middle lane of the motorway because I like to imagine crowds lined either side of me in the inside and outside lanes salivating over my BMW 5 Series and chanting my name,’ he said. ‘And also because I enjoy being awkward.’
‘At the urinal I always choose the middle one so people have no choice but to stand next to me. Occasionally I lean forward, rest my palm flat against the wall theatrically and breathe in and out unnecessarily loudly.’
‘It’s a power thing that confirms I have restricted your options and therefore influenced your life in a very small way simply because I can . And also because I enjoy being awkward.’
‘Behold – for I am the king of the public lavatory and public highway.’