After losing a crucial vote of contempt, the Prime Minister admitted to having the ‘collywobbles’ everytime she looked in the mirror. Mrs May said she now had an attack of the shakes anytime someone mentioned Europe, meeting the public or the concept of collective responsibility.
Friends suggest that her fragile persona is a result of motion sickness, while others attribute it to subsidence. It has got so bad that Doctors have started prescribing five minutes with Mrs May as an effective laxative.
A spokeswoman confirmed: ‘The Prime Minister is suffering from vertigo, spots before the eyes and nausea; which is either a result of an inner ear infection or sex with Jacob Rees Mogg.’
So uneasy has her demeanour become, that she has been abandoned by a family of rats living in her gussets. Anyone who still has confidence in her, is to be admired for their optimism but sectioned under the dangerous persons’ act.