Temporary Brexit truce to be celebrated with football match on Christmas Day

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There is to be a one day ceasefire in the ongoing Brexit war on 25th December, to allow for a festive game of football between Brexiteers and Remainians.  Both sides are expected to climb out of their deeply entrenched positions, put their free trade disagreements aside and adorn the beautiful game with a deep and special Christmas spirit of goodwill and tolerance.

Remainians have said that, although there is an obstacle to their involvement, they believe that they can ‘get over it’, having been encouraged to do so by the Brexiteers.  The Brexiteers meanwhile have stated their willingness to abandon their original idea of a Red, White and Blue strip, and wear the Chequered kit recommended by the Prime Minister instead.

Despite the apparent bonhomie, a competitive match is anticipated.  The Remainians are hoping to instill terror and panic in the Brexiteers’ defence by launching a series of long balls into the box, a technique nicknamed ‘projecting fear’ by the Brexiteers.  The Remainians are equally sceptical about the Brexiteers’ ability to take back control of the ball with their possession-based approach to the game.

Clapham Common is the proposed venue, on the site of the old marketplace.  Now used for speed-dating events, the former Common Market has become known as the Singles Market.  However, access to this venue, both for the match and subsequently, has not been secured.

The match referee will need to be strong and stable, and goal-line technology will monitor the success or otherwise of goal-line, or hard border, clearances.  Whether there will be any penalties or not is pure speculation at the moment.

It is confirmed that there will be no Video Assistant Referee however.  After all, despite the horrors of the bitter Brexit battles, Christmas is a time for peace, not VAR.

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2018 by

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