Vacancy for Brexit Secretary who can take dictation and look nice in a twin set

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Prime Minister Theresa May has placed yet another advert in the Westminster Classifieds to attract candidates without much drive or ambition for the entry-level position of Brexit Secretary.

‘Why the hell is it so bloody hard to find a decent secretary of state, these days?’ said Mrs May, as she struggled on her own to fit a new ribbon in Downing Street’s only working typewriter.

‘A new Brexit Secretary was supposed to start a week ago last Monday, but the slacker still hasn’t shown up’, explained Britain’s top boss. ‘The Gestetner has jammed up again, we’ve run out of Coffee-Mate, and I’ve got absolutely no idea where that last unqualified bint has left the Rolodex.’

However, the most recently appointed Brexit secretary, Stephen Barclay, is now reluctant to leave his relatively secure job on the perfume counter at Boots – while the previous secretary, Dominic Raab, is calling everyone in the PM’s Rolodex to ask if they want to buy a box of carbon paper or need some domestic work doing.

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2018 by

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