The Chancellor has come out in support of Theresa May’s Brexit plan with an economic forecast that suggests the economy will only be a ‘bit smaller’ than today after fifteen years, instead of ‘way smaller’ under the no-deal Brexit plan. ‘Think 1983 instead of 1973,’ said an upbeat Chancellor, who added, ‘smaller economies are way easier to take back control of than bigger, booming economies. You have less jobs and wealth to worry about for starters,’ he added.
Opponents of May’s Brexit deal point out the flaw in Hammond’s logic. ‘If smaller economies are easier to manage, then the no-deal option has to be better,’ said one proponent. ‘With our plan the economy would be capable of being managed by a small-brained moron with his eyes closed and his dick out, or Boris Johnson as we prefer to call him,’ he said today.