Fred Cummins is facing the most difficult week of his very public divorce this week. Two years ago, Fred took the unusual step to announce his intention to finish his marriage by means of a public vote instead of using the courts. ‘I felt that the man and woman in the street knew more about relationships than any judge,’ he said at the time. The vote took the public imagination, with 52% of those who voted agreeing he should divorce.
Shortly after the vote, Fred ‘disappeared’ to follow up ‘other interests’ and handed the final negotiations to his Sister-in-Law Maureen who has doggedly carried on with the divorce despite vocally supporting her sister in voting stay. ‘Divorce means divorce’ has become a mantra for Maureen as she has tried to implement a number of requests from Fred over the last two years, including maintaining the right to cohabit the family home whenever he wants, keep access to Sky Sports and unlimited access to the larder and the conjugal bed on occasions. Fred is adamant that he shouldn’t have to accept visits from his former in-laws, though, or their friends ‘unless they’re hot’.
The sticky subject of maintenance has stalled the process, though. Fred didn’t want to pay any initially, then agreed to pay a one-off lump sum that still hasn’t been agreed, but has finally suggested through Maureen that maintenance could continue ‘for a couple of years or so’ as long as a long running dispute over his neighbours boundary can be resolved. ‘He’s used to popping over to Lisa’s house for a quickie for years and doesn’t want to see a hard border,’ explained Maureen.
The problem has now reached an impasse with chaos and confusion reigning despite the matter having been referred to a local solicitor who made recommendations; however, the dispute is now inflamed because it looks like he didn’t disclose the final sentence of his advice to the Marital Court which subsequently has been revealed to include the phrase ‘total crock of shit’.