Crossrail delayed because ‘stations really far apart’, CEO explains


Crossrail CEO Mark Wild has explained that the extra time and money needed to complete the project is due to the fact that the stations are much further apart than he realised.

‘I can only say that I was given poor information at the outset,’ said the embattled CEO today. ‘The way it was presented it to me, the whole thing would fit on the top of a decent sized conference table. Naturally I was happy to announce we’d get the thing done in a few months on a shoestring budget.’

‘I now understand that this was something called a ‘scale model’ which, whilst preserving the relative distances, does not show the actual size of the finished article. I must say, I did wonder what the point of building such a small railway was, when you could walk from one end to the other in a few seconds… And who’d fit in those little trains anyway? Still, ours not to reason why and all that.’

The cabinet minister responsible for appointing Wild to run the project has dismissed claims he wasn’t sufficiently vetted to check whether he had suitable experience or even basic intelligence.

‘Absolute nonsense, he’s a terribly able sort of chap, no doubt about it. And I should know, since he’s my brother.’

Meanwhile, designers working on station signage have asked whether it’s likely to be finished during the reign of King Charles III, or should they start calling it “the William Line” just to be on the safe side.

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Posted: Dec 12th, 2018 by

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