First, let me wish you all a merry CHRISTMAS. Yes that’s CHRISTMAS, folks. Not this ‘holidays’ baloney I’ve been seeing everywhere in recent years. Happy Holidays is a FAKE SALUTATION. I mean what the hell is that load of crap about?
Bing Crosby didn’t sing ‘White Holidays, did he? Well there’s gonna be no more tiptoeing around the finer feelings of religious crackpots and minority weirdo-beardos when Donald J Trump’s in The White House. These people can suck up our great American traditions like Christmas or get the hell outta our goddamn country. Period!
Now what about my kids? Aren’t they doing a swell job helping me to make America great? Yes they are. TRUE! Don Junior has had a fantastic 2017, just the best 2017. I’m particularly proud of him because even with his super-heavy day-to-day workload he’s still found time to take night classes and is now almost 100% fluent in Russian.
And Ivanka… hey, take it easy there guys! Now I don’t wanna brag or nuthin but she’s one helluva girl. Why, if I weren’t her Da… err… anyway… she’s a great businesswoman, just the best businesswoman. She gives me great advice too when I’m making America great and her fashion design business is amazing. Ivanka’s designs make clothes sold by that Victoria Beckham dame look like rags that even an average Mexican would throw in the trashcan.
Jared, her husband (what a lucky guy, WOW!) is a fantastic Senior Advisor to me and an amazing servant to America. What a great job he’s doing in The Middle East for us. I really think he’s gonna bring a strong and lasting peace there. A great peace. The best peace.
Folks say it’s because Jared’s family that he got into my inner circle. Well let me say I personally vetted all the security background check forms he filled in, and I can state categorically that he’s never even so much as had measles let alone any trace of nepotism. He’s clean one hundred percent.
Finally I’d like to say a few words about Melania. Wow! Is she one red-hot babe or what?
OK, so I gotta go now. I hope that Santa Claus brings you all even more guns and automatic assault rifles than you know what to do with, as much roast squirrel and roadkill as you can scrape off the highway and let’s all look forward to a GREATER 2018 together.
God bless America!
Donald J Trump