Ex-Prime Minister David Cameron has been advising his wife Samantha on how to deal with a huge shite that he delivered in the main toilet in their Holland Park house, it has been confirmed.
Cameron is thought to be talking his wife through the options left at her disposal, after Samantha has become increasingly exasperated that the turd won’t disappear round the U-bend – the so called backstop arrangement – despite continuous flushing.
‘David left this one here after consuming a particularly heavy beef wellington and cheeseboard a while back in his writing shed’, sighed Samantha. ‘He says he never actually expected a turd to appear, that he’d be blowing hot air once again, but he was in there straining for at least half and hour and he quickly scarpered from the scene without even a glance back – there were abviously going to be repercussions for someone else’.
Cameron is thought to be supportive of his wife’s actions, but worried by signs that his close family and friends weren’t getting behind her to help them deal with the enormous pile of crap he has gifted them.
Their friends are thought to want to explore a plan B, which would give them a greater role, thought to involve collectively filling up buckets to force the huge brown trout out of its’ slumber on the base on the pan.
Samantha Cameron was last seen rumbling around in the cupboard under the sink for some rubber gloves, mumbling that her husband has left her with a huge job on her hands’.