‘The scariest thing about Brexit, apart from watching Michael Gove’s smarmy face, is the prospect of the country running out of medical supplies,’ said a government spokesman today. ‘However we have a plan,’ he added, tapping his nose.
‘We know every Nan in the country has a stockpile of surplus antibiotics, painkillers, sanitary pads, crack cocaine, crystal meth and multivitamins,’ he said, adding that ‘maybe the sanitary pads weren’t surplus, but they’ve each got enough tubular bandages to keep an advancing army stocked in World Wars 3 and 4 combined.
‘And Grandads have a mountain of Viagra stockpiled “just in case the Nans get the urge”,’ suggested the spokesman adding, ‘a bit aspirational, I admit, but you’ve got to admire their optimism. Some are nearly sixty, for goodness sake,’ he said, rolling his eyes.
Britain’s geriatrics will also be able to help in other ways. ‘OK, we’ve missed the boat regarding booking transport, but there’s nearly fifty thousand trailers and one hundred thousand caravans out there, mostly owned by pensioners,’ he said. ‘It’s only fair, most Nans are really keen to help with Brexit, after all they bloody voted for it.