“Crawley just 45 minutes from Westminster” warns Tony Blair

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Political pain in the neck Tony Blair is warning anyone who will listen of the clear and present dangers to national security that are hidden deep within the West Sussex town of Crawley, after two of its residents were arrested for the loitering drones that shut down Gatwick Airport.

“Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I’m saying there isn’t an entire dodgy dossier of sexed-up evidence for Crawley having weapons of mass distraction,” explained Tony to his postman, “but let me tell you that the respected and long-dead weapons inspector Dr David Kelly visited Iraq thirty-seven times, and yet not once in his entire life did he dare to set foot in Crawley. I think that tells us everything we need to know.”

When asked to comment on the potential for further threats to come from Crawley, the Chief Constable of Sussex Police said: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit – it’s the only way to be sure.”

However, the Minister for Transport, Chris Grayling, reassured everyone that the danger had been greatly exaggerated: “It may be forty-five-minutes from Crawley to London as the drone flies, but I’ve made absolutely certain that anyone who is foolish enough to even attempt to approach the capital from the South, via road or rail, will find themselves in a whole world of pain.”

 

Hat Tip to Newsdesk

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Posted: Dec 26th, 2018 by

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