Concerns over further disruption to flights have been dismissed after a reported drone sighting in the early hours of Christmas Day turned out to be Prime Minister Theresa May being spirited away to witness episodes from her childhood by a ghostly white-robed figure.
It is understood that the spirit’s visit was foretold to May by the chained and tormented figure of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher who has been condemned to wander the earth as a punishment for her greed and selfishness and for introducing the Poll Tax.
‘I took her back to her childhood in Oxfordshire where we watched her running through fields of wheat’ said the Ghost of Christmas Past. ‘I’ve got to say of all the visitations I’ve done this was by far the most boring. Running through a field of wheat, whoop-de-f**king-do’.
The Prime Minister was then visited by a second ghost who took her to see the family of a disabled boy struggling to survive Christmas on Universal Credit.
‘I’m afraid to say she was completely unmoved’ confirmed the second spirit, the Ghost of Christmas Present. ‘She said that the disabled boy could probably still manage a paper-round and that ASOS would have declared him fit to work despite being only 9 years old and barely able to walk’.
The final ghost to visit Mrs May is believed to have shown her images of a Christmas yet to come in No-Deal Brexit Britain.
‘I showed her a Christmas in the future where in towns and cities up and down the country people were fighting in supermarkets over the last packet of frozen sprouts and black marketeers sold insulin and forged Irish passports in dark alleyways at exorbitant prices’ said the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
‘I expected her to fall to her knees, grab my robes and beg for forgiveness but she just said that it wasn’t her fault and that MPs should have voted for her deal when they had the chance. What a cow’.
One eyewitness claims to have seen the Prime Minister with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
‘It chilled me to the bone’ says Londoner Barry Green. ‘The haunted features, the creeping skeleton frame that scattered gloom and misery wherever it went and the sunken cold eyes that have witnessed untold horrors’.
‘And the ghost didn’t look too healthy either. Haha.’