New ‘drone detection’ system involves two paper cups and a piece of string


Security Minister Ben Wallace has insisted that Gatwick will suffer no further disruptions, thanks to a pair of opera glasses and the 1987 Puffin edition of ‘I spy drones’. Using a blend of semaphore and carrier pigeon, the message will be relayed to the nearest person with a high-vis jacket, their own bicycle and ‘an interest” in model aircraft.

The state of the art system is said to include an Amstrad 512, a Filofax and an infinite number of monkeys. Mr. Wallace insisted that any drone would instantly be spotted or at the very least re-designated as some kind of pigeon.

Once detected, the drone will be neutralised a specially trained weasel, fired from a handheld catapult. The startled rodent will disarm the drone using its needle point fangs and a swiss army knife.

Rumours persist that the original drone sightings may have been fake, or the result of an enthusiastic plane watcher holding his binoculars the wrong way round. A spokeswoman said: ‘We are now fully prepared for any airborne toy – other than a Frisbee’.

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2018 by

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