A Premiership football manager has been fired after media reports revealed that he had lost the dressing room.
The club chairman told reporters: ‘The run of terrible results was bad enough. Eight defeats on the spin already had him skating on thin ice but after losing the dressing room, he had to go.’
‘There was so much state-of-the-art physio gear and all sorts of other high-tech equipment we’d only recently installed too. Now it’s going to cost the club a bloody fortune to replace it if we can’t find what the stupid bugger’s done with it.’
The location of the dressing room remains a mystery however, as the club’s star centre forward explained: ‘We’d been beaten 2-0 at home and went down the tunnel to get changed. We then spent the next hour trying to find the dressing room but it had totally gone! All our stuff was in there too including my £25,000 Rolex and the keys to the Bentley.’
‘In the end we had to wait until the opposition lads left the stadium so we could use the away team dressing room. Talk about embarrassing. We had to walk past the so called boo boys from our own supporters club. It was the final kick in the bollocks for the lads, and all the gaffer could do was just stand there looking lost himself.’
Police have released a description of the dressing room, and the public are being asked to look for a big square object, smelling strongly of Deep Heat and superstitious Saturday match rituals, with a strange mix of luxury amenities but also an old school chalkboard. 5 apprentice lads in the middle of cleaning the first team players’ boots are also thought to be missing.
Speaking about the sacking on Match of the Day Gary Lineker commented: It’s an ignominious end for him, and after all he promised when he came to the club too… but then that’s football. Lose the dressing room… lose the lot.’