Commuters solve travel woes by ‘never going home’

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Smiling commuters have visited city centre railway stations round the country – not to take a train, not to curse Transport Minister Christopher Grayling but to tell news reporters that they have solved their daily misery, saved thousands of pounds, made new friends and adjusted their work/life balance with one simple solution. Not going home.

‘I now live under the table in an executive meeting room in our Manchester City Centre HQ’ said finance manager James Smythe from Cheshire.’ I have added hours on to my leisure time, can stay asleep until 8.54 am every morning, have a breakfast cooked for me in the canteen or go to a nearby café. I never attend parents’ evenings, have invested in a washable suit, see all the latest movies and I don’t ever have to go to Asda again.’

Jean Larkin, and NHS Manager from Brighton now lives in the Central London Hospital where she works. ‘For me, the icing on the cake is I never ever have to go on a commuter train again.’ she said. ‘At night I pose as a trolley-bound A and E patient in an obscure corridor and it’s very rare that I get anybody troubling me, except occasionally to give me drugs, which is an unexpected bonus.’

In a recent development managers at John Lewis have organised seven days a week sleepovers in the bedding department, often two to a bed to keep costs down. ‘Not only do we get deeper knowledge of the products we sell,’ said one Partner. ‘We also can choose who we are sexually assaulted by and for how long – which is a delightful contrast to what used to happen on the 7.26 from Crawley.’

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2019 by

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