Brexiter fathers in Remain households urged to ‘take back remote control’

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Leave-voting men have been advised to take charge of the TV remote control in case their Remainer children get any ideas post-Brexit. ‘Why we have to have these films in, let’s face it, foreign languages is beyond me,’ said movement leader Mick Smith. ‘I want families to watch programmes in English made by English people for English speakers. Scottish viewers can have their own programmes, as long as they’re in English.’

The take back remote control movement has swept pro-Brexit areas, with calls for a return for Till Death us do Part, That One with Sheepdogs and Antiques Roadshow. ‘We can have Westerns too, under a new-found-land deal with America which we couldn’t of got if we’d stayed in,’ Smith said. ‘And watching cowboys and Indians is a reminder that them Americans should never of let those Indians in to their country in the first place. No wonder they want to build a wall like us.’

In his own house, Smith continued, ‘we love to watch TV as a family, but my teenage kid’s doing French GCSE, which lets face it will be useless once we’ve left Europe, they like that stuff from Channel 4, where they all drive on the wrong side of the road and they have writing at the bottom of the screen, cos they’re all talking in Danish or whatever. I sometimes quite like the French ones where the woman detective gets her kit off every so often but then the subtitles get in the way of her fanny anyway. So now I’m taking back remote control control to ensure what we see as a family is properly British.’

‘One Man and his Dog – I just remembered. English Sheepdogs. Take back control of our border collies,’ said Smith. ‘Personally I blame metrosexual TV executives for all these foreign programmes. I’m not sure what metro-sex is, but all the same, it’s all very well for them to sit there in ivory towels, sipping prosecutedo and choosing Norwegian spy films. I mean who wants to spy on Norway, for goodness sake? Anyway I’m going to write an abusive letter to that woman in parliament who sounds like Dooberry. What kind of name is that for a proper Conservative? No wonder she’s getting shouted at.’

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2019 by

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