Game of Thrones author found in HBO torture chamber


Acclaimed American novelist George R. R. Martin has spent the past year in a small cell being tortured by employees of the premium television network HBO, it has emerged.

The author, whose ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ novels have provided the inspiration for the popular TV series Game of Thrones, was reportedly abused into disclosing key story developments and plot twists as the network began work on the series’ final season, which is based on the last two as yet unpublished titles of Martin’s saga.

‘I’m afraid you’re going to have to tell us all about the fate of Westeros my dear George’, HBO’s chairman Richard Plepler allegedly told Martin at the beginning of one of the torture sessions, wielding a dagger. ‘Or else winter is coming for you.’

According to some reports, Martin received frequent visits from English actress Lena Headey, who whispered obscenities into his ears while her Irish counterpart Iwan Rheon cackled demonically and stated his intention to ‘cut off the author’s private parts’.

On one occasion, Mr Plepler even threatened to ‘unleash the dragon’, an apparent reference to the executive’s much-feared wife Lisa Ruchlamer.

The author is said to have disclosed a great number of secrets after being blackmailed by cast member Jerome Flynn, who said he would subject him to live renditions of the 90s hits of pop duo Robson and Jerome.

Martin, though a prolific writer, has found himself in hot water after failing to keep pace with HBO’s tight production schedule.

Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling expressed sympathy for the embattled fantasy author, revealing that she herself felt the heat back in 2006, when her progress on The Deathly Hallows became a cause for corporate concern.

‘Warner Bros threatened me with black magic if I didn’t work faster’, she tweeted. ‘They even sent me a severed owl’s head through the post.’

Daniel T

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2019 by

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