Consumer groups are frustrated that the Maybot, a malfunctioning Prime Minister, cannot be cheaply repaired and will ultimately end up as landfill – or in the House of Lords’ as it is known. 2016’s ‘must have’ gadget, has now been reduced to series of juddering dance moves, the phrase ‘strong and stable’ and the smell of burnt toast.
Studies suggest that 50% of appliances and political promises stop working within three years, alongside the hopes of a gullible electorate. The Nick Clegg 2010, for example, came with a guarantee of no student fees and faster broadband but broke down in 2015 and scrapped in 2017. By contrast a Boris Johnson can be renewed through rigorous septic plumbing, re-thatching and a guest appearance on Have I Got News For You.
The Maybot 2000 was in operation for only five minute before a stray piece of wheat straw caused an electrical fire, resulting in a Brexit malfunction and the deletion of five hundred Windrush files. Admitted one Tory: ‘Maybot has had her day. Brown goods sometimes need replacing, although Sajid Javid is probably a little too brown for our tastes.’