British hero/whinging Scots git to retire from tennis


There were emotional/cringeworthy scenes at a press conference in Melbourne, when Andy Murray, the British sporting hero who twice won Wimbledon/the dour Scottish miseryguts who said he supported ‘anyone but England’ at football, announced his impending retirement from competitive tennis. Murray struggled to contain his emotion/blubbed like a little girl who has just been told she can’t have a pony as he revealed that he is physically unable to compete at top level any more.

‘I am not sure I am able to play through the pain for much longer,’ said Murray/little diddums, who has suffered excruciating/a little bit of discomfort in his right hip since 2017. Commentators are now waiting to see if the Australian Open will be his last tournament before retiring/flouncing off to Chilly Jocko Land, but it is hoped that he will play one more Wimbledon so that they don’t have to think of another joke for six months/think of another joke for six months.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2019 by

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