‘One should have guessed,’ said a shaken Prince of Wales today, talking about the revelation that his mother has released ninety percent of the equity in the various palaces under her control. ‘One means, like, two Royal weddings in a year, lots of fancy cars, visits to factories up and down the country,’ he said, ‘and the parties…’
The Prince believes his mother has been living beyond her means for many years now. ‘Balmoral belongs to a consortium of investment bankers in Mumbai, and has done since the turn of the millennium. One’s just learned that Windsor was cashed in after the failed insurance scam Dad dreamed up in 1992, and what she got for the Royal Yacht barely covered the garden parties that year.
The equity release came to light when Her Majesty mistakenly assumed Chequers was ‘one of hers’ and applied to release the equity in it, only to find Theresa May has cashed it in to fund the Brexit negotiations already.