Debenhams to trade from the middle-aisle in Aldi stores

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Aldi has announced that it has offered concessions in many of its stores to the beleaguered High Street legacy chain. Aldi UK CEO Giles Hurley explained: ‘The middle aisle in our stores is a major draw for the bargain-hunting bottom-feeders. This centrally located area has a rotating stock of shite products that no-one really needs but just can’t resist at those knock-down prices.

‘What better trading location for the defunct Debenhams? They will have to lower the ridiculously optimistic prices for their stock. But this shouldn’t be a problem – they’ve already reduced their company share price by 90% in less than 12 months.’

Now valued at a mere £83m Debenhams is easily within the reach of your average EuroMillions lottery winner. One couple scooped £115m in New Year’s Day EuroMillions draw. Frances and Patrick Connolly from County Armagh revealed that they had received begging letters from an assortment of scumbags, including Mike Ashley and the new Debenhams’ board of directors.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2019 by

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