Theresa May announced plans tonight to spend the weekend redrafting her Brexit plan at an isolated hotel in the Canadian Rockies. The PM will head for the hotel on Friday, and is expected to spend the weekend hunched over a typewriter making ‘a few tweaks’ to the draft withdrawal agreement.
‘I just need a bit of time to clear my thoughts and put pen to paper in a quiet, relaxing environment’ said May, shakily, after surviving a no confidence vote. ‘This particular hotel shuts for the winter and I can get my head down to delivering on the will of the people. The Gold Room bar is also supposed to be nice for a drink’.
‘Trip advisor reviews have warned me to avoid room 237, where a load of crazy dead zombies have been seen in the past’ noted May. ‘None of my cabinet are coming with me though, so this won’t be a problem. I am looking forward to meeting the waiter, Cameron, over the weekend and reminding him that he was the f&@king caretaker once’.
Michel Barnier has said he may visit May at the hotel over the weekend, although he has admitted he has no idea of what to expect from May’s proposed REDRUM amendment. ‘Something about axeing…I don’t know’, tweeted Barnier.
The hotel is well known as a retreat, having been previously used by aspiring writer Jack Torrance, in the 1920s, albeit with mixed success. May is hoping to emerge on Monday with a similar looking text to Torrance, which already has a working title of ‘Shining: The Turd’.