Recent polls suggest that in any scenario all options on a “People’s” ballot will be bad ones; ranging from having chilli sauce rubbed on your nether-regions, to eating a rubbery kangaroo penis or Theresa May’s Plan B. Instead, voters would prefer to skip 10 years of Brexit pain and cut to the ‘fun bit’, where we get to string up Boris Johnson from a lamppost.
A second referendum is unlikely to provide an outright winner, with the public torn between May, Corbyn & Sturgeon, with the caption ‘Shag, Marry, Kill’. Instead we will end up with the political equivalent of ‘Would you rather…’ – would you rather be eaten by cockroaches in a dystopian Brexit or, in the event of Remain, die of unbearable smugness?
Whereas a third Referendum could simply embrace all our outlandish and unrealistic hopes for the future, with simple binary questions – Would you rather be a millionaire or billionaire? How would you like your orgasms single or multiple? No James Corden or Absolutely no James Corden?
Too often the options are unbearable or in the case of ‘Would you rather be poor but help people or become incredibly rich by hurting people?’ – a no-brainer for the Tories. Cutting straight to the third referendum could remove all the doubt and uncertainty – or failing that, we could just press ‘ctrl alt del’. One voter said: ‘I want a simple choice between not having to decide and not knowing about it’.